Have you been needing to give feedback to your nanny, but are a bit nervous about how the conversation could go sideways? We have found that clear communication is the most important part of a working relationship with client families and their nannies. We understand this can be tricky for some people (especially if you lean towards being a non-confrontational person), so we want to help you with effective approaches. It is absolutely possible to give helpful feedback in a way that feels supportive and kind, and also keeps the peace at home.
Why Do You Need to Give Feedback?
It’s important to know that your nanny’s goal is to be a great employee to your family. If you have concerns and have not communicated them to her, then she does not have the opportunity to make an adjustment. When you leave those things unsaid, small issues can often lead to resentment, and eventually confirmation bias (looking for those repeat negative patterns instead of looking for the positives.) Providing feedback can be a benefit to both of you, and is the only path to long-term success.
When Do You Give Feedback?
Ideally a regular check-in is built into your routine early and contains both kudos along with what could be done differently/better for your needs. If you establish a precedent for open dialogue, it won’t feel like you’re coming in hot or setting the stage for defensiveness. If you have not done so already, start scheduling bi-weekly or monthly check-ins that are as short as 10 minutes. Annual and semi-annual reviews can also be done in a written, more formal way (reach out to us if you need us to resend you the review form).
What to Say (and How to Say It)
Again, having a conversation that starts with positive feedback is a soft approach. You do want your nanny to feel valued for the contributions she is making, and it’s not a bad exercise for you to spend some time thinking about the positives she brings to your family. When you give the constructive feedback, be clear and specific. Be careful not to water it down, be passive aggressive, or sandwich the comments with positives at the end, because you do want your nanny to understand your message. Stay calm, practice active listening, and listen carefully to your nanny’s response. If possible, collaborate on possible solutions and changes for improvement. This could look something like: “I really appreciate how engaged and involved you are with the kids. Moving forward, let’s keep screen time to 30 minutes or less each day. If there’s anything you need to help make that happen, I’m happy to talk through it.”
If Things Still Feel Uncomfortable
It is understandable for anyone to be nervous about this conversation. That doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. Just stay respectful and trust that it might take a bit for the feedback loop to feel natural. If you have any questions, or want help preparing for the conversation, we are absolutely here to help!
*Extra Tips for People Pleasers and Introverts*
- Spend a bit of time beforehand writing down an outline of your thoughts to clarify your message.
- Use “I” statements to help keep the conversation constructive and reduce defensiveness (e.g., “I’ve noticed naptime has been a little later lately…”).
- Make sure you are approaching the conversation with curiosity instead of being critical (people can feel this in your tone).
- Practice if it helps you feel more confident.
It is important to remember that giving feedback does not mean you are a micromanager. This is your household, and your children, and you have every right to have preferences and philosophies that should be followed. However, your nanny can not read your mind, so she will appreciate you communicating how she can grow and make you even more happy with her performance. Mutual respect and communication are the keys to a long-term relationship.