What if My Nanny isn't Connecting with my Children

5 Tips to Help Your Child Bond With Your Nanny

We sometimes have families whose children don’t immediately bond with their nannies, but never fear, nearly all of these situations resolve themselves on their own. If you have any concerns, here are some steps you can take toward building that bond:

  • Demonstrate your loyalty to your nanny: If you are noticing, perhaps your nanny is as well. Bring up the concern in a way that demonstrates you are committed to your relationship, but that you would like to brainstorm solutions together. Think of the nanny as your teammate! (We also concurrently sent out tips for nannies about how to bond with their nanny children). We certainly don’t want anyone to feel forced to keep their nanny (that’s why we have a replacement guarantee), but if you have one foot out the door, it will come across and hurt the relationship.
  • Check for any obstacles you have inadvertently put in place: It sounded great on paper that the nanny would go to the grocery store and meal prep for the family and organize the playroom, but are the nanny’s extra responsibilities taking away time that they could be spending with the children? Try removing them on a couple of days/week to give them some more down time. Or possibly suggest that the children help with the chores and errands (children love to be included!). Do you work from home and not leave them enough alone time to build their relationship? Or have you placed a heavy emphasis on learning and education? Again, if you give your nanny even a couple of days per week to play, get outside, go on outings, and just have some fun, they can laugh and have adventures together, building their attachment.
  • Take an active role: Children are always listening, so when the nanny is not there, talk about the reasons you like her/him (it doesn’t have to be to the children – you and your spouse can be talking to each other). You can also make a concerted effort to get them excited when your nanny is coming with your tone of voice and energy.
  • Don’t compare them to past nannies: Did you have a nanny for 2 years that your children adored? A nanny cannot dream of stepping right into their shoes or having a bond like that overnight, because they built that connection over that time. They also may have a completely different personality type that is not good or bad, it’s just different. Having different types of personalities in your children’s lives is nothing but a plus for their growth and development.
  • Give it time: Meaningful, trusting relationships take time to build. Try to be patient and hopefully each day, each week, and each month, your child will open up and become more bonded to your nanny.

While attachment between your child and their nanny might take some time, it is a process that can be nurtured with patience and thoughtful actions. With these strategies, you can help ensure a strong, trusting bond develops between your child and their caregiver, creating a harmonious and supportive environment for everyone involved.

If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to kimberly.tobin@mbfagency.com or schedule a call on her calendar.